In this episode I am musing over listening, as an activity or an experience. Listening can be considered both an experience and an activity, depending on the context. The distinction is subtle, but it depends on whether you’re focusing on the action (activity) or the subjective engagement and impact (experience). Listening, as an activity, is something you actively do, like paying attention to a speaker, or sounds around you. It’s an intentional action, where you focus on auditory input.
Listening can also be described as an experience when it’s about how you engage with what you hear, how it makes you feel, or the impact it has on you. For example, listening to the thunderclap during a storm can be a very frightening experience.
There are differences between listening and hearing. Specialists tell us that listening is the act of intentionally working to comprehend the sounds you hear while hearing is the passive intake of sound. In other words, listening is intentional, voluntary and focused while hearing is accidental, involuntary and effortless. How often have we asked, or been asked, “Can you hear that sound?” followed up with “Listen ..…..”. The question is simply to establish whether you are receiving the sound, and the second injunction is to pay attention, to understand its meaning or significance.
Listening is an active voluntary process requiring effort to interpret the sounds heard. On the other hand, hearing is a passive involuntary process requiring no effort. It is a physiological perception of sound.
Listening is an active process of receiving, and interpreting sounds. It goes beyond simply hearing sounds; it involves paying attention for the purpose of understanding the meaning of what is being communicated and placing oneself in a position of being able to provide feedback to confirm comprehension. During heated arguments one can hear expressions such as: “Listen to me” not “Hear what I am saying”. The injunction is to hear, understand what is being said and respond.
Key aspects of listening are: (1) Hearing, the involuntary physical act of sound entering your ears; (2) Understanding, making sense of what is being said or communicated; (3) Interpreting, assigning meaning to the message based on context, tone, and other factors attached to the message. Adding value to listening is responding through verbal or non-verbal feedback to indicate that the message has been received and understood. When the feedback is sent and received, it is called communication. I defined communication while musing over Hooks and Ladders.
There are cultural differences in listening, as cultures mould communication styles, behaviours, and expectations around how people listen and respond to one another. These culture-specific modes of communication influence how individuals perceive messages especially non-verbal messages, provide feedback, and engage in conversations.
Cultures that focus on the group over the individual, so called collectivist cultures (for example African, Chinese and Japanese cultures) listeners are expected to show respect by listening quietly and not interrupting. This is a sign of good manners, respect and reverence to the speaker’s words. These cultures are said to be more identified with interdependence, cooperation and social harmony. They value the needs of the group as a whole and regard family ties, respect for elders and tradition.
Individualistic cultures of North America and Western Europe are said to prefer direct and graphic interactive communication, asking questions, and giving verbal feedback to show understanding. Interruptions, to clarify or comment, might be seen as active participation. These cultures emphasize personal freedom, independence, and individual achievement. Listening is a vital part of forging these cultural characteristics.
We listen to communicate verbally or non-verbally. There are cultural differences in non-verbal communication which are allied to listening: Among many African and Middle Eastern cultures listening is complemented by non-verbal communication, such as gestures, facial expressions, grunts with significant tone of voice, to underline the full meaning of a communication. Eye contact can sometimes be seen as disrespectful especially if the exchanges are between or among individuals with different hierarchy. Among cultures of North America and some Europeans, listening is more on the actual words and explicit statements. Non-verbal cues are less central, and eye contact is often valued as a sign of attention and respect.
As I muse over listening, I cannot help thinking of silence. If you talk to people who remain silent and you are sure that they are hearing you, unless they are deaf, you will wonder whether they are listening. The proverbial saying ‘silence is golden’ is used to indicate circumstances where it is deemed better to say nothing than speaking. The full phrase is: ‘speech is silver; silence is golden’. Deciding to stay silent implies that one is listening but, based on what is heard, decides that it is better not to respond (verbally). Among African cultures silence by not interrupting the speaker can be interpreted as being thoughtful and respectful. It may indicate that the listener is being attentive, not necessarily a lack of engagement. In European and North American cultures silence is often regarded as being non-attentive with prolonged silence misinterpreted as disengagement or lack of interest.
In cultures that place emphasis on rigid power hierarchy, people are expected to listen more passively, especially in the presence of people of authority. Challenging or interrupting a speaker can be seen as disrespectful. Whereas in what are classified as low power cultures, listening might be more participatory, with an expectation of equal input regardless of hierarchy. Feedback and even disagreements are encouraged.
Culture is defined as the ideas, customs, and social behaviour of a particular people or society. Hence a group of people’s behaviour can be taken as their culture. Emotionally expressive cultures are vocal with gestures in conversation a clear demonstration that they are listening. In emotionally restrained cultures, or individuals, listening might appear more unmoved, with fewer expressive reactions visible during the conversation, even if the listener is deeply engaged
In multicultural communications cultural differences can lead to misunderstandings as mutual expectations about listening and responding may clash. For instance, a listener from a reserved culture may appear disengaged to someone from an expressive culture, while a listener from an expressive culture may seem overly assertive to someone from a culture where indirectness is valued. Understanding these cultural variations can enhance cross-cultural communication, improve mutual understanding, and avoid misinterpretations.
As we age, hearing ability typically declines, particularly the ability to hear high-pitched sounds. We instinctively rely more on non-verbal communication to enhance our listening faculties. This is one of the most common issues affecting listening in older adults. It can make it harder to understand speech, especially in noisy environments, ability to engage in active listening and may lead to social isolation. Eye contact and body language become important signals of attentiveness when verbal communication is insufficient. This is my current life although I have not yet reached a stage of social isolation. Accepting the situation enables me to live with it with intentional adaptation.
While devices such as hearing aids (not listening aids) can help improve the quality of the sounds heard, and communication abilities, some of the readily affordable devices are not comfortable to wear or are avoided due to stigma. The discreet aids are exorbitantly expensive.
Conditions like tinnitus (ringing in the ears) can also affect listening abilities. I know because I have ringing in both ears which, I was told by my doctor, is not caused by any underlying condition but most likely related to aging process. Ringing sounds in the ears is a common problem. It is said to affect about 15% to 20% of people and is especially common in older adults. In some cases, the sound can be so loud it interferes with the ability to concentrate or hear external sounds.
Listening is a vital communication skill since it is the foundation of communication. It is important for building relationships, solving problems, and enhancing personal and professional interactions. Among couples, a breakdown in listening to each other can have serious consequences such as loss of mutual respect, trust and worse. In my musing on medical check-up, I argued on self-monitoring of one’s body function. That is equivalent to listening to your body. Sensing the symptoms is equivalent to hearing what is happening to the body, figuring out what the symptoms mean, and acting, is equivalent to listening and responding. That is communicating with your body. Let us continue to listen to each other and to ourselves.
Thank you for being part of the Fork in the Road Blogs: Reflections on Life. Be sure to look out for the next episode when I will be writing about Salt. If you gathered something useful, please feel free to share the blog. My books, Fork in the Road: Creating a future of value starting from where you are and A view round the bend. Setting goals for your life’s journey are available for purchase at Aristoc bookshops in Kampala, Uganda and online at Amazon.
Your comments on my musings are most welcome and let me know whether there is a topic you would like me to muse over.