Goodbye

I do not have to define what goodbye means. It is as common as “No” or “Yes”. I want to muse over the gravity of that expression depending on the circumstances. Goodbye can be said to signify “end of discussion, get out of my sight”; or it could be a gentle send off a wish for journey’s mercies or a relief that at last the interaction is over etc.

Saying goodbye to someone you care about can evoke a wide range of sentiments and emotions, depending on the circumstances and the nature of your relationship.

Goodbyes often come with a sense of sadness, especially if you’re parting from a loved one or a close friend. The prospect of not seeing them for a while or saying farewell for good can be emotionally challenging.

Saying goodbye can also bring about anxiety or uncertainty, particularly if you’re unsure about when you’ll see the person again or if you’ll be separated for an extended period.

In some cases, saying goodbye can bring a sense of relief, especially if the relationship has been challenging or if the goodbye marks the end of a difficult situation.

It’s important to express these sentiments in a sincere and genuine way when saying goodbye. Acknowledging your emotions and being open with the person you’re parting from can help both parties navigate the farewell more smoothly and provide closure.

Let me muse over four different goodbye situations. I start with the most heart-wrenching. Saying farewell to a very dear friend I was never to see again.

Years back, one of my best friends was terminally sick. He had been repatriated from his international job posting and was bedridden. I looked forward to seeing him during my home leave. We had been working in the same organization but in different countries. Luckily our homes were in the same locality, and I decided to spend my two weeks’ leave with him. I would go to his home with the daily newspapers and sit by his bedside reading the news and chatting about the good life we had lived. Before we both joined the international organization, we had been working in the same university department. We shared a common hobby of photography, playing tennis etc.

At the end of my last visit, as I stood up to leave, it dawned on me that I did not know how to say goodbye to him. I could neither say “Bye, see you soon” knowing that there will not be any other meeting, nor just “Goodbye” signaling an emphatic end. In the end we simply looked each other in the eye, and I walked out of the room. His wife, a very dear friend of mine in her own right, was at the verandah. We sat down, embraced, and sobbed. That evening I took the plane back to Europe to my workstation. My friend died two weeks later.

Situations like this underline how an expression we use glibly daily can have deep and long-lasting implication. It is now more than 25 years ago since that final unsaid goodbye, but I cannot forget that incident when “goodbye” was impossible to say. I accepted my emotions: It’s natural to feel sadness and grief when saying goodbye to friends you may never see again. While that incident left an indelible psychological scar, I focus on the positive aspects of our friendship and the experiences we had together.

Next, goodbyes at funerals. We talk of final goodbyes at funerals. This is a goodbye that is not reciprocated because the person we are saying goodbye to is not there, is long gone. It is a wish on our part that the spirit of that person rests in eternal peace or according to the departed person’s religious belief. Apart from the religious beliefs that may be attributed to these types of goodbyes, I believe that they give a sense of closure however difficult they are and are difficult to get used to. As we embrace the bereaved family, we share the burden of bidding farewell to the departed. We give a supporting hook I mused over in “Hooks and ladders”. Acceptance of the situation provides a platform to move on with the unreciprocated final goodbye.

Next farewells at school Goodbyes. I remember the ambiance of camaraderie during the annual last day of the year at boarding school. It was traditional to have an end-of-the-year concert to say goodbye to the pupils leaving the school. As we sang auld lang syne, the few words we knew, we felt the impending separations. We never stopped to ask ourselves what we meant about “old acquaintances being forgot”. May be that was the whole point our English and Scottish teachers were indirectly making to us that in a short time the old school acquaintances will be forgotten. For those returning to the school in the new year, new friendships would be formed, and the circle starts again. As Sally says in the film When Harry Met Sally, “Well, maybe it just means that … we should remember that we forgot them, or something. Anyway, it’s about old friends.” Those were the days of youth and fun.

Lastly, corporate goodbyes. Corporate farewells when leaving an organization can elicit a range of sentiments, which can vary depending on your individual experiences, the circumstances of your departure, and your prospects.

In my musing over “Work and employment”, I mentioned that I worked in four institutions during my formal employment. In three of those institutions, I was bid goodbye on departure. I listened to the high-sounding praises and statements to stay in touch, and accepted gifts. Corporate goodbye is orchestrated and lacks what I take as the human touch. It lacks affection and feeling. Affectionate goodbyes of colleagues are made outside the official send off. These, to me, were meaningful and deeply felt.

While musing over “Retirement”, I mentioned that despite the promise that “we will stay in touch” when goodbyes are being said during the last day at work, it soon dawns on one that apart from real friends, mere work colleagues, however close they might have been, fade away. In big organizations with communication domains, retirement becomes a reality call when contacts through the official channels are blocked, access to buildings restricted and so on.

For the uninitiated, corporate goodbyes can be marked by hope for continued connections with maintained professional relationships, networking, or even the possibility of returning to the organization in the future. These hopes are far from the truth in most instances when official channels are automatically blocked and buildings you have accessed daily over the years suddenly become restricted areas.

If the departure is involuntary, such as due to layoffs or downsizing, the farewells can be emotionally charged. Maintaining professionalism throughout the farewell process is crucial. Regardless of your feelings, it’s important to bid farewell with grace and respect for colleagues and the organization.

I believe all sentiments felt during corporate farewells are valid. How you express these feelings and the way you handle the goodbyes can leave a lasting impression on your professional reputation. It is, therefore, important to aim for a balanced and respectful approach as you say goodbye to your colleagues and organization.

Goodbyes evoke a wide range of sentiments, such as sadness or grief, nostalgia, relief or closure, gratitude, anxiety etc.  These are natural reactions determined by the situation. As I say goodbye, not a final goodbye, but to this episode, I have more of a sense of gratitude because of the positive impact I have had from society in general up to the current point when, four score plus, I can reminisce coherently, hopefully, over life. Goodbye until the next episode.

Thank you for being part of the Fork in the Road Blogs: Reflections on Life. Be sure to look out for the next episode when I will be writing about Who am I?. If you gathered something useful, please feel free to share the blog. My books, Fork in the Road: Creating a future of value starting from where you are and A view round the bend. Setting goals for your life’s journey are available for purchase at Aristoc bookshops in Kampala, Uganda and online at Amazon.

Your comments on my musings are most welcome and let me know whether there is a topic you would like me to muse over.